look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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