my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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