I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
