my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
either way he was missing a nipple.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
