Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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