Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just forgot I was standing up.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
