The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
