I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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