The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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