I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
