Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
