How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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