did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
