Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
