I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
