i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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