I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
