im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
handjob tips. give me some.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
