no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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