hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
