i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
