I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
