I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
