Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
