so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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