why didn't you poke me back
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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