Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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