is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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