You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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