just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
