I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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