someone threw a dead crab at me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
