you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
