I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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