I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
