i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
