Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
