My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
