I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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