Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
