tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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