Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
