so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
