Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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