bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
