u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
