Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
