this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
