Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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