Tell her she can't have a vagina
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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