I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
