UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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